I did something this morning I never thought I'd ever do: I decided not to run. And we're not talkin' a normal get-up-and-go-to-the-Y-and-jump-on-the-treadmill kind of run. We're talkin' a half-marathon-that-I-signed-up-and-paid-for-and-drove-all-the-way-to-East-Nash-to-pick-up-my-bib-for kind of run.

In middle school and high school I ran track, which I abruptly quit my junior year for two reasons: 1. I wanted to pursue theatre and 2. my coaches were anything but encouraging. I would go to practice anxious and already discouraged. I didn't fall in love with running until I saw my amazing friend Danielle complete the Chicago Marathon in the fall of 2004. I'll never forget standing next to a man who was cheering his heart out as a beautiful woman came bounding by, screaming out, "That's my wife! That's my wife!" I'm still moved to tears recalling this moment. Witnessing D accomplish her goal, and seeing so many other do the same motivated me and my friend Kristi to train for and run the Cincinnati Flying Pig Half Marathon. We stuck with each other the whole way through, being cheered on by our families and friends. It was an amazing moment, crossing that finish line, knowing that I had completed my first half marathon.

When I moved to California in August of 2005, my friend Sue was a huge encouragement to my running. She was an avid runner herself, and she motivated me to get to the gym or get outside and run, no matter how tired I was due to my heavy work schedule. My pace was slow, but steady, and the more I ran, the faster I became. Seth and I would go for runs together occasionally, and we even completed three more half marathons together. It wasn't until June of 2008 that I ran my first marathon. The San Diego Rock 'n' Roll marathon. My friend Jamie who I worked with at Anthro was also training for it, and we did a handful of our long runs together, with her husband Justin as well. She was quite a bit faster than me, but that only challenged me to dig deeper. Seth met us at various points to give us Gatorade and water, and a couple of times he ran the last mile or two with me. Finishing that marathon was a huge accomplishment for me. I ran the entire thing, and I can distinctly remember how difficult the last 5.2 miles were. I wanted to stop. I wanted to cry. But I kept going. Mind over body, I made it to the finish line.

Still excited at mile 12!

I continued to sign up for races, and run them well. By "well" I mean that I was able to keep a steady pace throughout the race, and finish feeling good. I've never been the fastest - nor will I ever be - but I remember when I was running a 10:30 mile...and I'm now running an 8:00 mile. There have been a couple of races that were a little rocky ::cough cough The Cleveland Experience that I never want to experience again cough cough::, but overall I've really enjoyed this process. Willing your body to do something you never thought would be possible is an amazing feeling.

Cincinnati Flying Pig Marathon 2009
A family affair!!!

San Dieguito Half Marathon 2010

Maui Marathon 2011

However, I think I'm at the point where those feelings of anxiety from high school track are creeping back in. Every race, I'm nervous, but not a healthy kind of nervous. I think, "Oh gosh, what if I don't complete this marathon faster than the last?" "What if I need to walk for a minute?" What if, what if, what if. The worst part is, if I don't finish with a PR every time, I feel a little bit like I failed. So many runners follow a ton of mantras to get them through the race: "Pain is gain." "One mile at a time." "You're tougher than the rest." "Define yourself." Yikes. So if I don't do well, does that define me as a failure??? Being type "A" and a runner is usually a good thing, but in instances like this, it can be pretty detrimental.

Seth and I have endured quite a bit of transition over the past five years, and even in the past few weeks. I've taken on another job, and have found that my schedule is once again full of work, leaving me very little time to spend with my hubby, let alone go for that ever-so-important long run before the big race day. This past summer I signed up for a handful of races, including the Nashville Half Marathon that took place this morning. It was my last long distance race on the books for a while, so initially I was looking forward to it. But with all of the change that's taken place lately, I've been feeling overwhelmed. And while I'll always enjoy a good sweat, I haven't felt excited about the race I was supposed to run this morning. In fact, I was pretty much dreading it. There wasn't any room in my mind to process through the fact that no matter what my finish time was, I should be proud of myself for yet another accomplishment. Bottom line: my heart wasn't in it. I woke up at 5:30 this morning, and sat up in bed. I was worn down, emotionally and physically. I turned to Seth and I told him, "Babe,  I don't think I can do this." While there are people out there who might argue that Seth should have said, "Yes babe, yes you can! You can do this! Let's go!", he listened past my voice and heard my heart and said, "You don't need to do this babe. You can rest." It's almost as if I needed someone to tell me it was okay...to give me permission not to run. It's okay that I didn't want to run. It's okay that I knew my body couldn't handle an early run in the cold. It's okay that I didn't think I could PR. It's okay. I'm not a failure. I'm not a quitter. It's okay.

We slept till our bodies/Bou woke us up, and then we spent time together. We actually went on a run. A slow run through the beautiful streets of our neighborhood. We were able to talk and soak in the morning sun and the changing leaves. Spending that time with my husband was more precious to me than getting another medal. And I'm clinging to that.

Sometimes in life, I think our passions can become our idols if we're not careful. Some might argue that that's okay, but for me it's not. Jesus should be the one I'm making time for before anything else. Jesus is more important than marathon #8. I want to continue pursuing a healthy lifestyle, but I want to be careful that I'm even more protective of my time with the Lord than I am of my precious hour of daily running.

Yes, there will be more races. More half marathons. Probably even more marathons. Hopefully, as I continue to become more like the woman that Christ intends for me to be, I'll be more comfortable with the idea of looking at each race as an opportunity to build endurance and character, rather than a definition of either success or failure. I'm beginning to understand that I can define myself as a runner, and not PR every time, or even run every race. Like today. The day I decided not to run.

Falling in love with stitching on paper

My dear friend Susy is currently pregnant with her third child - a sweet little girl - and I was honored to create her shower invitation. I decided to try my hand at stitching on paper, and I think it turned out pretty well if I do say so myself. The girls at Social Graces are teaching me how to use Adobe Illustrator, which is the program I used to create the design. I glued down the triangles individually, then stitched through the paper to create the look of bunting. I'm so excited to celebrate Susy and Little Lady Anderson in just a couple of weeks, and even more excited to meet this sweet babe face-to-face in December!

Filling you in on September in October

I can't believe how much has happened since my last post, and how late it is right now. 10:44 pm to be exact. And I'm just now starting this entry. No matter how many times I tell myself I need an early bedtime in order to function properly the next day, it rarely happens.

September was a crazy, busy month. I'm going to break it down chronologically, just so I don't get my tired brain confused.

September 3rd: Sarah & Josh got married! Oh man, I thoroughly enjoyed myself that weekend! It started off with lunch and mani/pedis with all of Sar's besties, which was quite the treat (thanks Momma Snaves!). I got to spend a good chunk of time with Sar's friend Teresa from SD - it's always refreshing to meet someone that you can connect with right off the bat without a ton of effort. She was a great partner-in-crime (Not that we committed any crimes...but we did eat Skyline at like 11 pm, which goes against pretty much everything I stand for. Just kidding.) Teresa and I got to spend the night with the bride before her big day, and it was so much fun to grab coffee and Bagel & Deli the morning of her wedding. It meant so much to me to be a part of the little things. And man, Sarah looked GORGEOUS. Pretty much the most beautiful bride of all time. Steph Carson, their photographer, was also the photographer at my (and Seth's) wedding, so it was super fun to chat with her and catch up on life. All of my "Hamilton Hall Hotties" were at the wedding, and it's always so good to see them. We discussed how we couldn't believe that it was ten years ago that we first met. TEN YEARS. Where does the time go?! We also got to stay and spend time with our good friends Scott & Kristen and their sweet boy Weston. Talk about true community. We love this family, and hope they decide to relocate to Nashville like tomorrow.

Me & the beautiful bride before her walk down the aisle

THE Hamilton Hall Hotties

The Williamses & The Osinkoskys #thatwasamouthful

Has it really already been 10 years since I first stepped foot on this campus???

Our joint family Christmas photo 2012

Thrifting does one's soul a bit of good.

Clinging to his hairbrush, even in his dreams.

September 10th-18th: MAUI. It's almost too difficult to put our trip into words because it was just so amazing. The condo we stayed in was mind-blowingly beautiful (thanks Freers!), right on the beach with an ocean view. We woke up early, drank iced chai tea lattes (with vanilla), body-surfed, napped in the sun, explored, swam in a waterfall, went to an authentic luau, sailed at sunset, zip-lined, read books, watched a million movies, I ran a marathon, and we just really, really enjoyed our time together. I will post photos and more in-depth stories about this trip soon!

Blissfully happy in this beautiful place.

September 23rd: Seth was let go from his job. Quite the shock. I'm not going to comment too much on this in blogger-world, except to say that we felt like the rug had been pulled out from under us initially. After processing it over the days that followed, we now feel a lot of peace and hope regarding our future. Seth is an amazing man, and I'm so lucky to have him in my life.

September 24th: I ran the Women's Half Marathon right here in Nashville. It was the first all-women run that I've ever done, and I really enjoyed that aspect of it. My mind and heart were a little all over the place due to the previous evening's events, so I felt pretty emotional throughout most of my run. I was planning on sticking with the 1:45 pace setter, but he was running at a pretty fast clip, hitting mile after mile at a 7:30 pace instead of the intended 8:00. I know 30 seconds may not seem like a big deal, but the first few miles at such a quick pace really threw me off, and I spent a good majority of the race trying to settle in. Around mile 10 I could feel the back of my left shoe starting to rub my ankle raw, and I knew I was guaranteed to have a bloody sock at the end of the race. I definitely should've spent more time breaking them in, but there was no way I could wear my last pair - they were completely shot after the Maui Marathon. I finished in 1:48:04 - not too shabby if I do say so myself.

Another half down!

Battle wounds

September 29th: 5 years. Five years ago that day I married my best friend. I know that a lot of people say that, but I really, truly mean it. Seth is my best friend, and I couldn't feel more grateful knowing that we have been and will be walking side-by-side through life together. I am 100% myself around him always. It's funny to think back to when we were dating and I was nervous not to wear make-up around him, or eat really messy sandwiches, or even...dare I say it?...fart around him. Thank God that he allows me to do all 3 (yes, all 3) of those things, and he loves me regardless.

9.29.2006 • "A cord of three strands is not quickly broken..." (c) Steph Carson Photography

Seeing as October is almost over, I feel pretty behind. So much, in fact, that I almost skipped publishing this post altogether. But, I need to give myself a little grace and realize that life gets a little busy and a little messy every now and again, and that's okay. So, cheers to this moment of life, and all that is to come.

Goings-On

It's a hot one here today in Nashville, as was yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that...I think you've got the picture. While I love the warmth and sunshine of summer, I'm pretty much over the humidity and constant bug bites. I seriously can't be outside for more than a few minutes before I get at least a couple of those suckers. We are SO looking forward to fall - it's definitely my favorite season of the year, and we've heard that it's amazingly beautiful down here once the leaves start to change color. I'm already getting a hankering for big mugs of hot chocolate and my extremely worn-in leather boots - I need to get those puppies resoled! We've had quite a bit going on around here lately - here's a taste of our life in words and photos:

My family came down South to Franklin, TN area for vacation this year. For those of you who don't know, every year my parents choose a city for us to spend a week together in. They rent a big 'ole house, and we plan activities for the week, which always include a minor league ballgame, a lengthy game of bingo (with some hilarious prizes up for grabs), and an evening of water balloon games...and a huge water fight! The ironic thing about our vacation being just outside of Franklin was that my parents had decided on this location before Seth and I even knew that we were moving to Nashville! It felt a little strange to not have to travel a great deal, but I still felt like I was on vacation, tucked away in a huge log home out in a very rural area.

My niece Kayla & me makin' funny faces

My nephew Casey & my sister Shy

After a fun-filled week with with the fam, I trekked up to Cincy for my good friend Sarah's bachelorette party. All the girls met up at NADA (THE most amazing Mexican restaurant outside of California - side note: If you're ever fortunate enough to go there, you MUST have the guacamole & homemade tortilla chips and the pork belly tacos. I'm salivating just thinking about them.) for dinner & drinks, and then moved on to bowling at Newport on the Levee. I had never been to an "adult" bowling alley before, so that was definitely a first. Not to mention that we all were sweating our (bowling) balls off because it was so hot. But we had a great time! I'm pretty sure I came in dead last. What can I say - it had been a while since I'd bowled!

Pork belly tacos AND chicken tacos?! YES PLEASE!!!

Bowling in style

Me with the Bride-to-Be (What's up with my limp hand?)

I can't believe she's getting married. It seems like just yesterday, we were dressing up in the weirdest outfits with the intention of parading around Central Quad at Miami in efforts to burn off excess energy. Man, we were weird. And I LOVE that about Sar. She always, always allowed (and still allows) me to be my goofy, emotional, extroverted-introvert self. And she welcomed (and welcomes) me with open arms. I can't wait to celebrate her and Josh in just a few short days!

Just last weekend, I was given 3 days off, so we decided to take advantage of that time and drive up to Cleveland to visit my grampa. Grampa Stolarski is 95-years-old, and, God-willing, will be turning 96 this December. Here are a few things I think about when I think about Grampa:

1. He has HUGE hands. He did factory work for years, was a pro at repairing giant cranes, and also poured quite a bit of concrete. I think this caused his joints to swell in his hands or something, because, I'm telling you, he has the biggest hands I've ever seen. Even after all of the hard laboring he did to provide for his family and the many hours working outside on their lawn and in their garden, they're surprising very soft to the touch. I feel blessed and privileged to hold his hand on a walk, supporting the man that supported me throughout my childhood.

2. Bacon. You're thinking, what? That's weird. But seriously, I think about bacon. Growing up, when my dad was a single parent, Grampa and Gramma would watch me and my 4 biological sisters all the time. Gramma was an excellent baker and cook, and she was always serving us delicious meals and whipping up yummy treats. But when BLT's were on the menu, Grampa was ALWAYS in charge of cooking the bacon. I think part of that stemmed from the fact that he was afraid Gramma would get splattered by the grease. And he wasn't cookin' no turkey bacon - he was making the real stuff, on the stove no less. And he always was wearing a white butcher's apron while he was cooking. If we were lucky, he'd sneak us a piece or 2 before dinnertime.

3. Time heals all wounds. I know that things weren't always easy when my dad was a kid. Grampa had a few demons that he wrestled with. But it is amazing to see how gentle his heart is now, and how much he loves my dad and us grandkids.

4. When he refers to me, he always says "My Kelly". This is SO special to me because growing up, my parents never gave me a nickname. Even now, while most of my close friends and family refer to me as "Kel", my parents still just call me "Kelly". For Grampa to say "My Kelly", it gives me a sense of security that I am known and protected. It's almost as though he's echoing what the Lord says as He looks down on me. "My Kelly".

Leaving Grampa is always quite difficult, but this time was really tough. While he's mentally sharp, his body is growing tired. His eyesight is failing, and his stomach is constantly upset. He takes several naps a day, and is constantly ingesting or applying some type of medicine. Grampa's been ready to go to his eternal resting place for quite some time now, but I know whenever that time comes, it's going to be difficult for me to accept. He's my only living grandparent, so it will be strange to close the chapter on that book. When we were leaving, I stood up to hug Grampa, and he held on a little longer than usual, and pulled back to gaze into my eyes for a moment. I could see where my brown eyes came from, although his were a bit cloudy. Both of our eyes filled with tears and I whispered, "I love you Grampa. I'll see you soon."

Seth, me, & Grampa

My sister Ginny also lives up in Cleveland, so we got to spend the night at her place and hang out with her for a bit. Gin and I always have a ball together, laughing till our sides ache at everything and anything. I love that girl.

Partners in Crime

This next weekend, we'll be heading up to Oxford, OH for Sarah & Josh's wedding, and I know it'll be a great time of seeing old friends. And then a week after that we leave for none other than...::drumroll please::...MAUI!!! Yep, that's right! We're celebrating 5 years of marriage with a trip to a place that's a little piece of heaven here on earth. Other than a weekend getaway or 2, Seth and I haven't taken a trip together with just the 2 of us with intentions to spend time alone. We've traveled several times to visit family and friends, which were all great, but we are looking forward to recreating our honeymoon and experiencing some new adventures. Stay tuned for photos!

Coming to you live from "Tennessee - America at its Best."

That's seriously the state slogan, I'm not kidding. I Googled it. :o) Well folks, I've finally decided to make time to blog on this hot, peaceful Sunday afternoon. Many of you have been wondering what in the world the Williamses have been up to in their new home...maybe. I don't really even know if anyone ever reads this blog (except for my lovely gal pals Andrea & Meg :o) ). But in case there are interested parties out there, here's a taste of our life in Tennessee.

Seth is working full-time as a graphic designer at Premiere Speakers Bureau in Cool Springs, TN, about 20 minutes from where we live. He works in a fancy office that has marble pillars in the foyer for a boss who does amazingly generous things for his staff, i.e. catered lunch every Friday, trips in luxurious tour buses to play laser tag, never-ending donuts and birthday cake, etc. Here's a photo that was taken of Seth for the PSB website:

I am currently working part-time at a boutique called Social Graces in Hillsboro Village. SG specializes in invitations and stationary, and we also sell a varied assortment of giftable items, i.e. books, journals, etc. Here's a photo of the store from the outside:

Initially, I had planned on transferring from my position as assistant home manager at Anthropologie in Madison, WI to a somewhat comparable position at Anthropologie here in Nashville. Unfortunately, nothing of the sort was available, and after a totally God-ordained series of events, I said my goodbyes to Anthro after a 4-year-long relationship, and started a new journey with SG. The staff is super small, which I love because it creates a more intimate vibe, and opens the doorway to building real and deep relationships with the women I work with. By the way, they're some of the sweetest women out there! Not to mention that I ironically enough worked with one of them at the Anthro in Carlsbad, CA, while the store manager of SG also worked at the same Anthro in Carlsbad even though our paths never crossed at that time. Crazy, huh? This world is a small one, I tell ya.

After many moons of living in tiny apartments (albeit our 2-bedroom duplex in Cincy), we are finally homeownersrenters! We are living in an area of Nashville called Crieve Hall, which is located right above Brentwood and just to the south of downtown Nash. We have the sweetest, most caring landlords, and have had such a great time decorating and settling in.

Some of the perks to renting a house vs. an apartment:

1. We were forced to purchase our own washer and dryer, which we will now have for eons to come (we hope).

2. We have a HUGE backyard! We can't wait to fill it with family and friends once the weather cools down a bit.

3. I am able to bust a move late at night without worrying about making too much noise and getting complaints from neighbors.

One of the very best things about our little home is that it is literally only 2 blocks away from our dear friends, Scott & Susy Anderson. We LOVE being able to pop over and visit them (and vice-versa), and especially being able to be more involved in the lives of their 2 boys, Blaine & Hayes (Seth is Blaine's godfather).

In other news, Bou is still as rambunctious as ever. While Seth and I were living apart, I let Bou roam free during the night instead of shutting him in the bathroom. Did I think perhaps that he would stand guard if anyone ever broke into my apartment in the middle of the night? Maybe. No. Well, maybe. Aside from that, he started routinely snuggling with me in the early hours of the morning after I fed him his breakfast. Now, he continues to do so as Seth always gets up first to shower. Oftentimes, I wake up to Seth struggling to silence his laughter as he finds Bou squished up next to me in the funniest positions.

Alright, that's it for life in Tennessee for now. Time to go rest in this wonderful AC with my hubs and Bou!

I'm not gonna lie...

...things are hard right now. Not hard physically speaking - we both have jobs, we are healthy, we are being provided for. Things are hard emotionally, spiritually. I feel pretty far from God in this place where my only confidante is Seth...well, and Bou too. I talk to God pretty regularly, but still haven't seen my current prayers answered, which sometimes makes me wonder if He hears me in the first place. I mean, I know he does, but I guess sometimes I'm more like Thomas than I liked to be. I need to see it to believe it. To put my hands in His wounds to know that He is real. Sometimes I wonder if God brought us out to Wisconsin to experience a season of just us and Him. But His plan isn't working so far because I don't know where He is.

But then today in church we sang a song called "Everything" by Tim Hughes. I've heard it before, but it really sank in today because I truly do want Jesus to be my everything. And even moreso, I'm finally beginning to grasp the fact that He is IN me. He's with me all of the time because He resides IN me. He won't ever leave me or forsake me because He is a part of me.

Jesus said, "Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples." John 15:4-8

Jesus is already living in me, asking me to remain in Him as well.