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Postpartum - The Second Time Around

6.20.2015

Every time someone asks me how this postpartum time has gone, I want to burst into tears...because it's been so great. Let me preface this all by saying that obviously having 2 under 2 initially (and now having an almost 2.5-year-old and 7-month-old) has its unique challenges, and some days are just hard. But this second-time-around scenario is night-and-day different from my postpartum period after Story (you can read about that here). The follow-up question I usually get is, "Why? Why do you think this season has been so different?" There are a few reasons:

1. AWARENESS. When I became pregnant with Story, I researched the crap out of childbirth, proper exercise and diet, the best baby gear, etc. But I think I read *maybe* a sentence (if that) about postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety. I don't even think I knew other maternal mental illnesses existed (i.e. postpartum psychosis). I do believe that was part of the reason why PPD/A hit me like a mack truck. With my limited knowledge, it didn't make sense. In my ignorance, I thought, "But, I've never been depressed before! Why would I struggle with depression now?" PPD/A isn't selective. Sure, you have a greater chance of it occurring if you've been diagnosed with depression previously (and specifically PPD/A reoccurring if you've had it before), but simply because you've not had it in the past and no one in your family has had it doesn't mean that you won't either. It's an ugly beast. Nonetheless, knowing what it felt like to walk through PPD/A and being vulnerable about my emotions put me on a path towards wellness. In fact, I remember at the end of the first or second week of River's life, I opened up to Seth, my mom, and my sister Shelby about the fact that I was lacking confidence - that I was starting to doubt if I could truly be a good mama to 2 kiddos, and that this was increasing my anxiety. By talking through my emotions, I was given the space to sort through the truth and the lies.

2. SUPPORT. Yes, I had amazing support from family, friends, doctors, and doulas once I was diagnosed with PPD/A after Story, but I had that support in place ahead of time with River. Not only that, but my entire support team was aware of my previous struggle and knew how they could best help me if PPD/A reared its ugly face again. Living in the same city with my immediate family this time around was so great. My mom was able to stay with us for a longer period of time, and any time I needed some extra help there was always someone there for me. I also had the support of a broad range of friends because of my openness and honesty regarding my struggle with PPD/A. I was able to reach out to fellow mamas through a Facebook group I'm a part of and ask for prayer. Many of these ladies I've never even met in person, but their prayers were FELT. I definitely had a community rising up behind me, and that felt so good.

3. PROPER TREATMENT. One of the most difficult parts of my journey through PPD/A was the simple fact that it took a little while for the doctors to prescribe an anti-depressant that "worked" for me. This is fairly common when it comes to mental health medication. Especially in my case, I was starting at ground zero having never taken an anti-depressent before. The typical class of anti-depressant that most OB's will prescribe for their patients actually pushed me further down the rabbit hole. With the help of a psychiatrist, I finally landed on something that began to help me and I felt like I could breathe again. However, leading into this second pregnancy, I had to stop taking the anti-depressant because it wasn't safe. I also couldn't take it again once River was born if I wanted to breastfeed, which was another goal of mine this time around. Therefore, I went the more holistic route. I had my placenta encapsulated (trust me - it's not as gross as it sounds) and I used essential oils. Because of FDA regulations, I can't go into specifics on the latter, but I will say that wellness was my goal and that was achieved through encapsulation and essential oils.

4. LOWERED EXPECTATIONS: Before I had Story, I was the most anal clean freak you'd probably ever meet in your life. I knew that this would need to change once I had kiddos, but I didn't really realize how much. I could no longer set aside huge chunks of time to do a deep clean on my house. I had to be okay with messes. That was SO difficult for me. I felt like I was failing as a wife because I couldn't keep up with household chores like I had done in the past. Needless to say, Seth could've cared less! I was so focused on what I was "failing" at that I couldn't see the fact that my beautiful baby girl was thriving. She was fed, clothed, and - most importantly - LOVED. At the end of the day, that's all that matters. After having Story, it became so much clearer to me that life really does move in seasons. With littles in our house, we'll have seasons of messiness, but as they get older everything does start to balance out. Each season ebs and flows in its own beautiful way - it's all about establishing new normals and enjoying the moment you're in right now.

In honor of the 3rd Annual Climb Out of the Darkness, I want to give mamas out there HOPE - just because you've walked through postpartum depression or anxiety in the past does NOT guarantee that it'll happen again. I'm a living, breathing example of this. And always, always know - YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!


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